I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
