just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize