Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
