Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize