just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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