all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
