remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
