You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
