Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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