I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
