I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize