All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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