You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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