Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm both gender and math confused
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
