I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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