i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
