But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
