Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
