Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
