I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
