member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
