The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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