This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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