not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
COCAINE IS GR8
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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