508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize