i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
