Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
