you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
