Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
