I CAN MOONWALK!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
