physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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