Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My life is pants optional.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
