All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
