If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize