She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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