don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We left the knife in your bed.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
