its not stalking. its research.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
