i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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