I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
