i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
