Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize