I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
