I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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