One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
