DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
