I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
