you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
