I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
