I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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