what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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