Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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