I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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