Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize