I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
