Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
