I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
