Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
