i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
