I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
