I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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