I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The adults are the big ones right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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