it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
