I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
