Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
