Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
