i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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