The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
