does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
