i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
