were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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