I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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