Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my shit smells like andre
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
