Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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