I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
