I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
