Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
