I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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