She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you would pick up someone in the library
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
