nut hugger
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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