There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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