wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
