I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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