we made out on top of his cat.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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