You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
