I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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