I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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