How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I cut my penus on the lid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
