If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize