Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
