Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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