Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
