dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
