New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
