After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
