Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
