every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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