In the future we'll all be gay
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
