There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
