put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
