he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
