she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
