Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
