i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
