I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
