What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
