My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
