So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
