you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
