If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
