Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
