Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
