Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
